Breaking Free From The Success Trap

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Sarah: Hello, Tazmin. Isn't the sunshine in the UK glorious right now?

Tazmin: It is beautiful. I'm sitting at my desk looking out the window. The trees are there. Every now and then there'll be a pigeon. Um, it's, it's glorious. And you know what, when I sat, when I go out into my back, you can feel the transition.

It's. It's, it's like I'm going on holiday every time I go into my back garden. It's glorious.

Sarah: Well, you'd be proud of me and Tash because weekend just gone. We decided, so we don't have a garden, but we have a bit outside of our house that we. Always try and spruce up in the summertime. So we had a lovely time at a garden center.

But yeah, we got a load of plants and we spruced up the front of our, like the porch or whatever you call it. And it was really nice actually because um, our neighbors were also sprucing up the front of theirs, so it was a lovely. Sunday afternoon spent doing some pottering of plants, speaking with our neighbors, having a bit of a sort out.

So yeah.

Tazmin: I definitely need to get my game back up again with, with the garden because we've done some weeding. It's looking better. The grass is cut. Um, the lasagnas are still growing, so.

Sarah: So much fun. Now, Tazmin, what are we, what are we chatting? What are we talking about this week?

Tazmin: We are talking about, well, I'm gonna be talking about the talk that I gave at brightonSEO a few weeks ago, and the title of that was, um, 'Burn Bright Not Out: How to Succeed on Your Terms and Track Success'.

And you know the number of people that have come back to me and said that track was the highlight of their brightonSEO. So if anybody is listening who is remotely involved in the mechanics of brightonSEO, let this be a sign that it doesn't all have to be about keywords and content and all of the rest.

So, yeah.

Tazmin: But, um, I'm gonna do a little bit of, um, proud moment for me because we encourage everyone else to do it.

Um, I, I enjoy public speaking. I had not finished writing that talk until about one o'clock in the morning. You know, that we were, we were the same house, gone out dinner the night before, which wouldn't, was wonderful dinner. Um, and then. I hadn't practiced, I hadn't timed it. I just turned up was in flow. It was so much fun delivering it, but it helped, you know, I've spoken to people, um, since then and it did touch a nerve and that's why I wanted to talk about it today.

I wanted to start off the question or the whole conversation with what is success, and I had to reflect on it when I was writing the talk. And for me, success is being aligned with who I really am. It's about knowing what my values are, knowing what my innate strengths are, what my goals are, and when they're in sync, feels fulfilling.

So. I have is, it's not about the money, it's not about a particular role, it's that holisticness. So Sarah, my first question to you is, what is your idea of success?

Sarah: Oh, I love this question and I always like it when you challenge me. Always, uh, always love it 'cause it's a chance for growth, but, oh. If I think of success, it has changed for me.

Then it's your title, isn't it? So what, what is your title? What, what do you want to be? Maybe it's that. You have a team to manage or maybe you've got a certain type of responsibility or reputation. So I suppose when I was early twenties, it was more sort of superficial. So how I looked on the on the outside.

I'm gonna be excited by the day and whatever it has to bring, and I completely get that. It's not always gonna be like that, but if you can. Carve out something that actually brings you satisfaction and something that you feel proud of, you're gonna have more of those moments. So I suppose success now to me is feeling that, feeling proud or feeling.

You need money to buy certain things like shelter, food. You need money to be able to go on holiday. You need money to be able to buy clothes. You need money to all of this stuff. But I think. For me, it's not so much how much money I can make, but sort of being like, okay, how much money do I need to have? A happy life.

What do I need to sustain that? Because I've seen so many graphs where like, um, it goes to show that money doesn't bring you happiness. So obviously there is a cutoff point once you have enough money to keep yourself sort of secure. I. And settled and you've got enough to do everything you need. Your happiness doesn't continue once you exceed that amount.

You gotta be the first one at your desk in the morning. You've gotta be the last one to leave. And if you are not. You don't care, you're not gonna be successful. Whereas I don't want to, I don't want that life. I want to be able to, yeah, work on projects, work on campaigns, work on stuff that I'm proud of, but I don't want that to get in the way of actually living my life and having adventures with Tash, going and seeing friends and family, um, working on.

And the flexibility for work not to be overwhelming. And that's all I'm doing. So I've got a nice sort of work life balance. Those are my main three things.

Tazmin: And a few things that you've touched on there, illustrate a few points that success is very personal. What successes for you would be different to, for me, different for Crystal, for Jack, for everyone.

You use it to give it to others. That's how you get more happiness outta earning more money. And it's bizarre because I'm probably at the face of my life where I'm doing the most meaningful work, but I, I think my relationship with money has changed that I like money more than I did maybe 10 years ago, five years ago.

Why is it so hard for people to feel that success? And when I spoke to a few people, and I've done some research and I, I, you know, I'm calling it the success trap. Many people are in this success trap and, and ways to recognize whether you are, is one of them, is that you are chasing somebody else's definition of success.

And that could be a parent, that could be a sibling, that could be a teacher, that could be the person, partner.

This next one. So somebody reached out this

validation. And they said, that's the one that pinched me because I'm always relying on somebody else telling me I've done a good job. So I asked them, do you ever say that to yourself that you know that was really good? And they said, no, never. What that does is you talked about financial freedom. When you're relying on external validation, that's emotional.

So I know we're, you know, we're gonna go into a bit of a break in a minute, but which of those resonated with you the most, Sarah?

Sarah: External validation screams at me because I, I think I've said this before on the podcast, but I'm very aware that I'm a people pleaser. So part of being a people pleaser is I get so much satisfaction when other people have.

I can do that for myself.

Tazmin: Yeah. And And praise for the actions that you've taken. Not for the outcomes, because then you are relying on somebody else to say, oh, that that works.

So if I am too focused on looking at what. That brings results. I'm gonna forget about all the hard work and not just the work that I've done, but sometimes other opportunities will come from that. So even if it's not the desired outcome. There might be another opportunity or another thing that comes from that conversation or that accident, right?

I'll tell you about that after the break. Sarah.

Sarah: I was gonna say what? Why should, why should people come back for part two?

Tazmin: I'm gonna tell them how to break out the success trap. I mean, if that's not an incentive, I dunno what it's,

Sarah: Ah, well, I'll definitely be coming back then, won't I? You've incentivized me.

Tazmin: So Sarah, welcome back to 'Succeeding Without Burnout: Succeeding on your Terms'.

So I'm very intrigued. Hasin, how do we get out the success trap, right?

Tazmin: Three steps. Three steps and three steps only. But obviously you know that they're gonna take a little bit of time. So step number one. Is define who you are and what success means to you. Now, we talk on the podcast so many times about the importance of self-awareness.

Important to you. Or if you do look at something you think never again, never wanna see that person or whatever, that's not that important to you. So that's a really good way of finding out clues about who you are and what you, um, what you really value. Another one is to do the Ikigai. So we've talked about this.

Um, this is understanding what you love, what.

And we had. And what the world needs. What the world needs. And we had a free training on that. So all of the resources are in the show notes, but the idea is that you understand, and obviously this was, will evolve depending on your age, depending on your circumstances. So it's not a do it once type of exercise.

Sarah: Because right now if I do this, so bearing in mind I'm like mid thirties, if I did this again in a couple years time, um, or even like when I reach my forties, like I feel that Sarah as a 40-year-old is gonna be very different to Sarah as a 30 5-year-old because things are gonna change.

Sarah: And I think it's about shifting the minds. Mindset here. 'cause you might be like, ah, this, this sounds like a lot, this sounds like a lot of effort and time, but you've gotta change your mindset because. You are worth investing time in. You are worth just spending a couple of hours in that glorious setting with popcorn, fluffy socks, a hot drink, but investing yourself isn, I isn't.

Tazmin: Well, all I say is crickey, right? If you don't wanna spend a day of with yourself once a year, then the, you've got bigger problems. So myself, anyway, I'm c that we are step, step. You've done the work and you've figured out who you are and you've figured out what success means to you. And that could be, I wanna eat at a fancy restaurant once a month, or I wanna take a hike with my friends, or whatever it is.

Sarah: Yeah. And that's so important to keep yourself on track because.

You could easily fill up your time with something else that isn't aligned with Yeah, that one goal.

Tazmin: So goal, strategy, action, and we've talked about this before. So if your goal is I want to develop my career, what is a strategy? It could be, um, become more visible, for example, that's part of your strategy.

Be more visible with what, because if you want to progress your career.

So.

I wanna go on holiday and I.

So don't do everything at once. Work on the thing that's important and do small and consistent things. Don't try and go big, just little steps. One little step every single day. Like I said, the training is in the show notes. I expand on this. I know I'm going really quick because we've

I don't wanna follow your blueprint. I've gotta get dinner on the table. I've got, I've got children and grandchildren I wanna spend time with, and my life is not as routine as yours. So be really aware of, um, the amount of marketing that's out there telling you to do it in a certain way. I love a good self-help book.

I have a, I. Books shelf full of them. Well book case full of them. But take the bits that work for you. Do not feel that you've gotta follow it step by step, because again, that's burnout and you may end up somewhere where you don't wanna be.

Red flag, that is a signal that you need to stop and be like, actually, yeah, what can I do instead?

Tazmin: No, really good idea. And I like that analogy. Another red flag is don't deprioritize what I would call non-negotiables. So when we get busy, when we are on this path of success and we get busy and we start dropping things, deprioritizing things, and those things are usually health.

And the other thing is relationships.

Sarah: And actually those are the things that, or another one that will probably relate to everyone. Oh, I'm gonna have a work lunch. I'm not gonna break today. Yeah, yeah. I'm just gonna plow on right through.

Things like that give you energy. You will be mentally tired if you don't invest, you know, time in those. So don't do that.

Sarah: And again, if you find yourself snapping at your partner, live one or friends or whoever you live with, or whoever you are constantly seeing, that's a red flag, isn't it? And you can be like, oh, hang on, quite right here.

Tazmin: Because, um, I certainly snapped at, at dear Mr. Kay. We all do, we all, we all snapped. We all s at, I dunno if I shoulda said, now that I've got a Zen Queen personal brush

Be optimistic and be grateful If you're gonna get up outta bed and say, oh, same old, same old day. Oh, you know what? You're not gonna do the work that it's gonna take to get you where you you want to get to. And if you're not gonna be grateful for what you have, why would any more make you any happier? So those are the two that I'm gonna end with Optimism and.

So it goes like this. How much longer are.

In order to continue with what you are comfortable in doing and the quotes from Simon Alexander, the book he.

So, Sarah, we've got a few minutes before we wrap up. Any leaving thoughts or any, what's been your biggest takeaway?

Uh, attracted by shiny objects like my, I've got a bit of a magpie brain sometimes, and I could end up chasing something that looks shiny because of the people are doing that, but that's not necessarily in line with what I want and what successes to me. So I think it's about being super clear on what you want at the end of the day.

Um, and yes, and uh, I really love this episode 'cause it's just got my brain thinking and inspired me as well. And I just want to sort of say another thing of someone. Um, I can't remember where this has come from, but I was scrolling through Instagram and someone posted about how the feelings of fear and anxiety are very similar to the feelings you get when you're excited.

And like have a go at stuff like it's your life at the end of the day. It doesn't have to be. Perfect. What you do, you've just got to give it again. Yeah. You only get given one life. Don't TAs,

Tazmin: I'm not gonna be rude to Sarah. She's the one who's got a deadline.

I'm gonna quickly wrap this up, Sarah. We've got two bank holidays coming up. Dedicate one of them to you and your and Tash figuring out what success means for you to individually and how they align and build yourself a plan. And then I wanna see it and then I'll, I will help you take the next steps. So for everyone who is listening the training.

We love it when you comment on, on our posts, um, and us a review. You know, we also bit. External validation. Um, and if you want to dive into this topic more with me, then click on the link and there is a link where you can sign up to a free call with me and we can go through what success means for you.

Sarah: So just to make that super clear, all of that lovely stuff that Tasman has just spoken about, head to the show notes because there's always links, resources, everything that we mention gets put in the show notes.

So go and follow there.

Tazmin: Sarah, it's time to say goodbye.